Getting Rid of the Past Tense

This is taking flight,
Stepping off the ledge
And never asking why.
Just because something here felt right,
Something here felt real.
And we feel it
In our blood
In our lungs.
Our bodies fit like gloves,
Warming us and swarming us
With circulating release.
It's the pleasing satisfaction
Of anticipated reaction,
That cracks in our voices
And shakes in our knees.

The wolves' howls turn to whimpers
In the shimmer of night diamonds
As we laid there like lions facing the sand,
Hoarding the warmth of the heat of our hands.
We challenged the roar of the crashing waves,
And there you gave more than I'd ever save
In pictures,
In poems,
In music,
In art...
I've been set free.
You've set me apart.

I couldn't have it any better,
No, I couldn't ask how.
It was dreaming back then,
But this,
This is now.

Mixes and Scarves

I drank in the light that dripped into my eyes
From the moon shining bright
On the darkness of calm,
And the fragmented white
Dropped on it like bombs.

We were spectators
Flying at the edge of this war,
Hiding our shivers
In the warmth of a coat.
No warboats or fodder,
Just dull light and water,
That filled in our thoughts
To make memories float.

And we lost our words
To the music and sight
Of skyline and ocean and Ferris wheel light.
A hush,
A moment that showed on our faces.
And finally,
Everything's in its right place.
Phenomenal, fabulous, running, and cheese.
I never thought this would ever be me.

Rejected Blood From Dejected Donors

It's the pressure of perfection
That synthesizes the convection,
And the red phone rings
And sings for connection.
But then begs for direction.
Yet the hand of the master
Stays still,
No affection.
With one hand on his desk
And the other underneath,
He reaches to pull the plug.
And all remains quiet on the western front.
He only enjoys that setting sun
To watch arise another one.
And his daughter laid,
Confused with love,
He cradled to sleep with printless gloves.
And there was hush from fingers and lungs
As they both were emptied in unison,
And one was fighting.
And what was fought.
But here, he is god
And he's not saying, "Stop."

The Answer

...And as starry nights seen through blurry eyes
Become blurry nights lost in my starry eyes,
I'll toss and turn and stir until light,
Thinking two purring cats and ten hungry bites.

Shishin

Every day is a trial of mental strength
Throwing myself against grain.
Going against the world,
Against myself,
Against the pain.
And at times I prevail,
At times I have failed.
And if flightless birds saw paper trails,
This would be my goodbye.

These vacant eyes have flushed out light,
Empty, black, a starless sky.
Oh no, these are no good.
If you could pull the switch back
You know you would.
Hell, I'd do it too,
But I'm too weak.
You're seeking switch passes passed long ago
And you're blinded on tracks through innocent snow.

My hands are cuffed and painted red,
By this skilled artist, bag-on-head.
Now I walk dead down death's wedding aisle.
Yeah, it's been a while
Since you've seen an honest smile.

Stimulating Simulations = Resignative Anticipation

Sleep sessions are restrictive,
Predictive fictions made all the same.
But I am still-staring
And the seams are still tearing
As I wear out my blood
In covers undone.

I am draped.
A body bound to the grave,
Comfortably waiting,
Anticipating to be saved.
I'm gravely symptomatic
But never diseased,
I'm kept on my knees
Under satin sheets.

Wake me, wake me,
I'm going to die!
Repeated rested readings
Leave the feeling inside
Unfinished,
Diminished,
Heaven's incomplete call.
So I linger in limbo,
A sleep unresolved.

New Sorrow

I'm your class-A dead weight
Waiting for the day
When continents collide
And I have died a thousand times
Just to save a cat's meow.
Ask me how and I'll say
Nothing at all.
It's braking on air
With the wind through your hair
When you're living a life
Full of no one there.
Nine lives back,
I had my back to the wall
Propped for the push
For when I'd take it all.
And I was backed with the wrath
Of a thousand sure-fires,
But I still had no desire
To go.
I know we're all drones,
But I'm the sole one to show.
And now I fill this page
With the rhymes of a slave
While I count up the days
Of lies that I gave to you.

Low-Fi Lullabies and Silver Strands of Trust

Who could've believed
That we would shove iron giants out to sea,
Trumping the skyline in buoyant majesty,
Rivaling gods in westward bound travesty.
A disappearing act.
And all the chips are stacked.

Who could've believed
That my greatest dreams born in quiet tears
Would be mine to trample just once a year.
A rainbow in one shade of blue.
Bolts and desperation,
Imagination and glue.

But who would believe
That you'd leave and never see it.
And if you can't believe
What I see, then so be it.
This is my last garrison,
So save me the embarrassment.

I know you're tired.
I am too.
But any plants we seed,
Before the autumn leaves,
Is a little heaven seen and another dream received.

Montauk Getting Heavy

O, how I wished for mirrored beaches,
Salty cheeks from washed up dreams...
I just wanted to believe.
I just wanted to believe.
But this,
This changes everything.

So readily lost at sea
To forget the things you used to be.
Now you lock up the boiler
Since she took too much in,
Because you won't make it out
Without leaving me in.

I see the light and find the charm
In splintered wood and rocky arms,
And burn my maps in signal fires
To call you home and hope a liar.

The Exhale After A Shortness of Breath

You're putting tape
On lips fresh wet.
Licked for the taste
Of a space less expansive,
In a porcelain shell
That cracks from advances.

Hands, hope, and heart
Hum a drone tone
In dreams recurring,
Hurrying the process
To return to address.
To burn in her dress
In the hot summer sun,
To read to the end
Of what he'd begun.

This one-hit wonder
Wonders where it went.
The order's now backed,
Was to ship heaven-sent.
The light has been bent
Suspension bridge burned
Shock value reduced
All levels returned.

A lesson learned and one to teach:
Better mute than ill to speak.

Money Shot

I get my wish against the wind,
Looking for calm pockets of air
Your eyes hide behind
The locks of your hair.
Lovely hair.
Sprawled in the grass,
We let the good times pass,
And I am still young again.

I let my childhood go,
It floats.
It catches the air
And raises my hopes.
This is the simple glory of flight
Backdropped on dramatic skies.
...And these eyes are far from worthy.

She's willingly helpless to the uncontested
Stockholm Syndrome, so well invested
In her heart.
That tears her apart.
That sets her apart.

Wings are for angels
And I'm not there yet.
After seventeen times,
Here's one final bet.
I'll be the blindest of pilots
From the kindest of drinks,
Alcoholic.
Symbolic.
Sweet like sinks full of honey.
I'm calling shots in the dark,
And this one is money.

Three Ways To Forget

It's a matter of tone.
Your voice shakes to my bones.
And with static and mumbles,
I'm mostly alone.

I'm only human.
I can't say what's wrong.
I'm shedding my wings.
I feel change coming on.

The Quiet Game

So who's even talking?
Who's spoken of?
Does the glove even fit?
Are those wax candles lit?
Thousands of words,
None ever spoken.
No curse ever lifted.
No beast yet awoken.

It's a contradiction.
No,
It's a work of fiction.
I don't get his diction.
Where is the conviction?

I zip these lips to loosen yours,
I leave a crack to peep through doors,
I talk too loud so you can hear,
I stare you down so you can fear
That these words might be yours.

For all I know,
I talk to myself
To wipe down the shutters
And unclutter shelves.
And for now I'll say that it's all done me well,
Until these heavy words drag me straight down to hell.

Narrations

Where do you draw the line?
Is it under the numbers
That count down the days?
Is it under the words
Emphasized when you say
Nothing at all?
Germane, of course.
Her name, of course.
This direct object,
Is directed objects in its direction
From the perfection in strokes of a pen
Making curves smooth and fancy,
That pleases the eye
And makes thoughts antsy.
It's the sound of grinding keys
That slip through the lock
That fit snug and tight
That don't need to talk...
Because if they spoke,
It'd be the greatest of lies,
So he silently waits on the other side.

The present, the future, the past,
Redefined.
When you erased the line between
Memories and dreams.

Geologist

You found your progress going back,
Tightening the slack to see if there was something,
Something still hanging on.
And then the rope was taut.
Your calculations were shot,
And there were too many variables
To take into account.

You can't dig this deep
Without walls collapsing,
There are more than just skeletons
Buried underneath.
You can't breathe this deep
Without lungs collapsing,
There are just too many words
In your chest
That you keep.

And you hoard them with fear
That the end is near.

Precious metals speak precious truth in my head
About this precious youth and precious doses of lead.

6:15

With your hand on my lapel
As you damned me to hell,
A warm swell came on.
And in a flash flood
Of nerve endings and blood,
Songs took on different meanings
And sleep took on different dreamings.
So here's time to think without mine to say,
Counted days on open hands seem so far away.

So much has happened
In secret hours I keep
That are savored driving east
Towards a slow rising sun.
Anticipating questions
About unexplained sleep,
I slip into cold sheets
While others' days have begun.

God Damn It, Christian

"Tomorrow, I'll wake up and think this was a dream."

Push

It only drizzles,
Never rains.
It only sizzles,
Never flames.
Rubber dreams are strung up on tall plastic trees.
They flew through the loops as they hung in the breeze
That tightened the knots on the gallows they braved,
And the future sends chills from the feet on my grave.

Coldwater Canyon

I pull out a crinkled map
Out of my back pocket,
Once pristine,
Folded neatly and clean
Eight states back with a changed state of mind.

You stop the car on the dime
and walk into the shop:
Candy,
Smokes,
and a six-pack of chalk.
You see through the sky
And walk down the line,
To outline my body
Just seven miles back.
The asphalt is dirty,
The white line is dashed,
Discrepancies were found from my credit to cash.

But I never bothered to keep the receipts
Purposely lost in the cracks of seats.

There are cities hidden in creases of the map
And the highway lines thin as the melt in my lap.
I can only drive besides telephone lines
Because all the world's liars write directional signs.
And we were driving so fast, but not going far
Since we skipped the fuel tank and poured gas on the car.

Justice

These wood floors are weightless,
These white walls are bare,
Each room carries echoes
Through nothing, but air.
The cars, the pets, the boxes were sent.
I'm finally free and everything went.

Built Up and Stripped Down: These Layers of Time

I fell victim to the colors,
Never changing.
Accentuating the aging
In body and soul,
A wholeness achieved
In a pale, slender tree
With poison dark leaves
That burned through the skyline
At leveling speed.

God's mind matter splattered
On a canvas of sky blue.
The rest slipped in drips
Down the slits of my shoes
That hardened to cement.
All the while,
The bloodhounds whimpered
At your stinging ginger scent.

The sheriff's searching town
For a temptress with a gun
Who drowned a man down in the river
And brought back...
His father's only son.

Blink

We spent our hours with each other,
Stuck in the mundane smell
Of countless cookie cutouts
That would otherwise be cooking
In the California sun,
But June Gloom has begun
And we're the only ones who see
There's more to life than hipster tees
Or skinny jeans that strangle knees
Or glasses made for those who can see
Just fine.
They're useless,
And stupid,
Just like this line.

But when the flood gates opened
And we were let in,
Only then did fanbased tempests begin.
Loud and crowded,
In a sea of glistening sweat,
We began to sway in every which way
Trying to say every line of the song
While trying to keep the air in our lungs
To let out another chorus.

It was the perfect storm.
With morals forlorn,
A new game was made
To see how long until your knees
Or your stomach gave.
All the while, the drummer drummed on
And we screamed in our ears as we sang along
In every pitch
In every key
On every note
On every beat
...My god, we were awful,
But we sure had soul.

The sweat in my clothes was mostly not mine.
I'd gulp some more air if I had strength and the time,
But there's just sweaty air, already been breathed
And cookies baked two over one-eighty degrees.

Dizzy Spells

Explanations are traces
On a circle, never ending.
Destinations are bending backwards
To find the light around the bend.
Around the bend.
Around the bend.
Around the bend.
Around the bending page
Is another for the books,
But the only hook was on a rod
Cast into a sea of infinite suns...
I was always after the reflective one.
Dancing in the ripples of the tide,
The yellow moon screams warning,
The yellow eyes cry mourning
As I contemplate the ways I can stray to the side
To soften the impact as reality collides
With every clock that ever ticked.
With every secret ever kept.
With every lie I ever told.
With every dream that ever bled
And stained these hands with the brand of hope
That comes from the uneven-layered ghosts,
That kiss before they kill
Your free will in your sleep,
And in waking, they're tracing,
A circle complete.

It means two different things
To stay the way I am
And say the way I am.
And I know I'm going to regret this,
But talk to me when you get this.

606: A Hole In Your Devil, The Day of My Revelation

This morning I dressed up,
Pretty and nice,
To sit on the concrete and cry.
To watch something beautiful
Die in my mind.
Like the man on the cross
That now hangs in the sky.
It's metal.
It's cold.
It's dirty and white.
A mother suspends it,
So structurally sound
With a womb with glass doors
Where salvation is found.
A light for the ages.
Some fun for all ages.

But the most Sunday goers she ever does get,
Are the ones going by towards something else in their lives.

Attempting Justice Through Revision

Blood.
It rushes and gushes
Into every crevice of my mind
And my lips.
These hands are cold,
My heart is bold for once
No twice,
No third time's the charm.

Seven years.
Countless fears took hold of you,
But this is release.
This is running your fingers
Through cloudy fleece,
Knowing that you were right
All along.

I'm holding my breath
And counting to three.
Laying out the table
So nice and so neat.
And what it meant to me:
Reading out loud the lines in between
Painting a picture that hadn't been seen,
Has shaken the very foundations
Of memory.

You left me sinking for thousands of leagues
But now I've planted my feet on ocean floor
And twisted the knobs on open doors.
So let it all flood in,
As we let it all out.
Our ink-silent shouts
Had always been synchronized
And you read it in my lies.
And I saw it in your eyes.
A blue sky covered in clouds,
I found glitter in the silver lining.
You found a sun behind a storm front,
Hiding.

Every word, I meant it.
You took my light and bent it
Into a palette of beautiful collisions,
The clouds and the colors
With so much precision
That this vessel went down in the sea
And when I breathed in the blue
I found you, waiting for me.

You are the storm,
You are the calm,
You are the crystal bombs
That explode in the skies,
That fragment and sprinkle
On my world, on my eyes.
You are the siren
That tells me to leave,
That cannot be done justice,
That I love, that I need.

Two Lines and Signed

With one last call into the dark
Those deep, resonant frequencies
Finally shook doors,
And shattered windows,
And the widow's hourglass
Gave warmth like a heart.
With my own poison,
I woke the dead.
I broke my head.

Two lines and signed;
An acceptable ultimatum
Discussed in kinesthetic conversation.
I took my reservation:
Tentative,
Yet from years past,
The same.

You took the best weather in your name.
Just as you always did.

I paused for a moment,
Using twilight's shade
To hide what I betrayed between our hands.
I tapped into the past,
Under the faint morning glow,
And Adam screamed and told me
That everything must go.

Benediction

Please stand.

Class of 2009, family, and friends,
It is an amazing feeling
To stand here and know
That I've been a part of something
That can never be
Replicated,
Reproduced,
But most importantly,
Replaced.
We've walked down this road
Together.
Hand in hand.
And now we've made it to the platform
And our train is coming.
May you never forget
The warmth of your neighbor's hand,
And the warmth that you provided them.
May your voice always be heard,
Above the engine's roar
As we go our separate ways.
May your faces forever shine
Brighter than the whistles
Of friends and family,
Cheering you on
As you chug,
And chug,
And chug,
On a train with no rails,
Free to explore the expanse of the horizon,
Spreading the love and values
That we have come to know
As the defining qualities
Of such a beautiful and unique community.

Amen.

Unnecessary Changes Into Open Lanes

I pressed my clocks against the sky
Timing the choke before thunderous cries.
The storm is coming
And I'm becoming weary.
My eyes are straining from not seeing clearly.
I nearly hit a tree
Made of light that branched out from the clouds,
Illuminating details of a shrouded past.
I had reached in the bag of goodies
And sampled the stale cookies
Made soft once again by the moisture of tongue,
Memorizing the texture
Of sugary crumbs.
It found my blood
It found my heart
And started syncing its patters
With the things that once mattered
In keeping my chest warm.
I lost the wheel,
And I closed my eyes,
Regretting the roads filled with potholes and ice.

Soft Dirt

I planted jaunty flowers
As worms devoured her grave.
This is no way
For a grown boy to behave.
So now,
I've become a slave of a man
To something I can't understand.

I've been digging holes
And finding traps,
A golden coin on iron snaps.
Just look away,
Avoid the hurt,
Or run your dirty fingers
Through the cool, soft dirt.

Dreamborne Remnants

The nightmare doesn't start
Until you awake in a haze
A turbulent transition in the days
Out of step
Out of line
This time you've been called out.

There's a hunch in your back
From the weight on your shoulders
And now you walk the plank
As a court marshaled soldier
You were blindfolded
And told to walk.
Walk out of this door,
Walk out of this hell,
You're stepping on eggs
And breaking their shells.

Hassle

I'm always idle
Suicidal
Base jumping without the cord,
But every breath I take
Puts more weight on these heels
Until I'm
Dragging,
Stopping,
Bored.

What a thought to consider
That should have withered and died
But the sugar and sand
Shook cocktails encased
While the mind and the body
In two cars,
Collide.

Latin Numeric

The screen was left unattended,
The night was met unintended,
But the sleeper was shaken
And taken by something strong.
As months fell short...
It felt sin coming on.

The Best Death Ever

This is my funeral.
Arnold in his Sunday's Best,
Collared shirt and sweater vest.
He says,
"He was a good kid
And was loved by his mother and father,
But he didn't have enough time
TO GET TO THE CHOPPAH!"
Clothes rip as he poses for them all,
As poles flanking my coffin
Stretch to the height of the wall.
And the ladies begin to dance
As eyes advance to a revealed IMAX screen
A fighter jet with machine guns,
And me.
I jerk with the impact of each bullet
As would marionettes dance and dangle,
Repeated slow motion,
And shot seven angles.
My dead smile would be seen
Plastered there on my face
As the place shakes with uproar
And bulls on parade.

Pushing and Pulling

One more sigh
Until we breathe in again,
One more wince
Until the pain goes away.
I've been inhaling excitement
That's kept me away,
Taking in liquid rush
That doesn't do much
To keep me alive.
To keep me afloat.
But if everything goes right
...or at lest not so wrong,
This will be the last time
I write from an absence so long.
I loved the stay, but I'm going soon
To see you again in white crescent moon.

Needles

Creaky floorboards whining to the top...
It's the only thing that stops
The greatest fear that crawls in your ear
As you crawl up these rocks.

We found their god in a lookout tower
Saving the green from the devil red fire,
The devil red heat that meets me at dusk.
Hello, savior in the skies,
Wrinkled, calm, and wise,
Save me from the fire.
Though I'm a different shade of green
I mean no harm.
Maybe these branches
Branch out too far.
I'm catching the fires,
I'm getting my scars.

I think they've gone too deep.
These leaves can no longer keep.
Goodbye to brown, goodbye to green,
Hell to gray, eternal sleep.

Diffusion

You walk facing dirt,
There's blood on your shirt
And you're squinting and wincing
From the sun and the hurt.

But we're high as birds
Even if our thighs burn
I can breathe once again.
These mountains never shave
Their trees give us shade
And I am grateful
Full of great,
Fighting for space
With the sickness and longing.

I'm only so strong,
My lungs need your calm.

Because I Had To...

I woke up better
Making things worse.
Baby, this means I'm leaving.
I'll see you if I'm still breathing
When I come back,
If I come back....

Here it is.
It's our first day.
Nothing's the same.
You're so far away.

Caught in the T.O.W.

Lost in the thought
Of words to make right
Of birds to take flight,
Finger on trigger...
Eyes down the sight...

Born in a cage,
Sedated from rage,
We live to die
And count our lies.

From Jormp to Jomp

The cement is wide.
This grooves run deep.
We're trying to keep our composure
This nightmare needs some closure
In the form of termination
And we're determined to overcome
At 65,
Weekend drive,
Under hot summer sun.

Black paint gleaming,
Engine screaming,
This tigress is her own.
Her dominance shown with authority
Never to be questioned.

She carries her pride
In her soft caring bosom
Holding her heart
So they aren't torn apart.
From the changing of lanes,
The five-freeway switch...

I can say that we've tamed
This here mistress bitch.

The Pleasure In Justice and Punishment

Idle in my bed
Idle in my head
Blank stare the ceiling
Eyes closed, idle feeling.

Boy, slow down
And sit yourself down.
This is a hit that you can't shake off
So you can brush off your shoulders
All you want.
It's time you spent less time on your feet
And more on your knees.
Or better, on your back.
It's time for you to get back on track.

It's time for hesitation
From getting your high
From increasing elevation.
Get your head out of the clouds.
It's time for self-constraint
Satisfied from black shoes,
Black suits, black paint.
Things don't need to get loud.

When you've cooled all your nerves
Maybe you'll just get better,
But you find so much pleasure
In what you deserve.

Return Address, No Postage Fee

There's a tickle in your throat
That's there to let you know
This isn't in your hands.
You think it's chaos
Dressed in green
Dashing your dreams
On mossy rocks
Then locking your heart
In the rustiest locks,
But mother tells you
It's for your own good.

These mirrored walls
Stand far too tall
And you lean on them
From weary legs.
They wobble as you brace
Yourself with your arms
And you're finding the devil
In a display of your charm.
Sure you mean no harm,
But the lights are flashing
From the sounded alarm.

Sometimes the taste will take you away
Sometimes the sun will set on your day,
Sometimes you're willing to put up a fight
Sometimes the truth is you're furthest from right.

Grateful For

Finger-smudged sunlight
Seeping through the windows
Always keeps me coming back.
They aren't as sticky as I remember
Yeah, if I could remember.
Three o'clock shock
Dream stops,
It's time to go,
But this fuzzy case stays
Because she says
I'm her escape.

I'm her escape.

Cycles

Holes in the places
Where teeth used to be,
Your singing
Your laughter
Have sunken in me.
Squeezed in from the arms
A quarter way around my waist
Soaked in from the sweat
After playing all day,
I will stay!
I will stay!
I already fit in and I smell like first grade.

The Great Leveler

I'm still wishing for threes
But these days aren't getting any easier.
I'm still shaking at the knees
And doubting everything I believed
About them.
About myself.
Take your hand and run it across the shelves
Disheveled are the levels
Flashing lights,
Ringing bells.
Argument and resolution
Still produce scar tissue
And the issue is a matter of memory.
I was stacking chips and counting cards,
But under neon signs glowing
And without even knowing,
The silence came faster than death.

Do Not Reuse

...So I put my endurance and nerves to the test
Frequently checking for pulse and for breath.
I hide violent sun from a head lacking ice,
And all I can say is that we cleaned up nice.

Dorothy

Don't pop the trunk!
There are the cops,
Your mom can see!
Don't sit still or else you'll surely
Fall asleep.
You'll sin in second wind, yeah
That's all you need.
A musty dance room
Holds memorable sights.
The broments,
The buildings,
Big city,
Bright lights.

+1

You're constantly seeking stability,
But you barely have the ability
To breathe.
You've just got to believe
That you'll find what you need
And your troubles will fall
Like dry, autumn leaves...

Collapse!

Talk about dreams dashed
When it all comes down to current.
Cash.
Money.
Paper.
Cuts from the green
Bleed moths at the seams.

What a shame
This hand eats trees from a tangled root,
But she'd do it for you
And now you know,
So you clean yourself up for that shine
And the glow.

She says,
"Go and light up the night!
It will be too dark for me,
Yes, still too dark to see,
But I am as blind as my trust.
Don't forget what you must."

It's hard to stay calm
When everybody's dropping bombs,
But angels' wings seem like a dream...
If I could just hold her light
For more than tonight.

Jumping Into a Black Hole

I'd stretch the atomic train,
I'd bear the seconds of pain,
For even less of memory
And watch growing galaxies,
Bursting bright to live and die.
While at home,
I'd be your darkness,
Standing still in your black sky.

Intrusion

A pinprick in the heart
Is enough to start the flow
Of all the bad things
That strangers only know.
It is friendly,
It is foul,
A caring smile with neglected teeth,
What shines beneath
And reflects through mirrors.
The brighter you are,
The dimmer it gets...
The art of deception,
The guilt,
The regret.
Each confession is a verbal attack.
Spontaneous reactions make me
Pull my hand back.
I'm not in this game.
Pull my head back.
It sure looks like rain.
Pull my eyes back.
This man is not sane.
Is it exhausted?
Or have a lost it?
With the eight-ball, corner pocket
And a table full of spheres,
The key is turned and locks it
Adding substance to this fear.
Don't tell me about
These temporary scars.
Don't tell me about
The antics in my car.
I know,
I know...
So get out.
Go!

Summer Trees In Groups of Threes

The skies opened up
To let the rainclouds storm in
And those clouds opened up
To spill raindrops within.
They fell in a fury
With finesse and grace
That caught in my curls
And flowed down my face.
Off came the wrinkles
That sat on my head,
Off came the bags
That my tiredness fed.

The water came in like a porous ship
It drew into my throat
Seeping in between lips.
My voice once hoarse
Lost all signs of remorse
And these cords worked like clockwork again.

So now I strum while I drum
To the beating of hot summer days
Because the presents steams to past
And the future's not far away
When your hitting eighty
And you're already late,
I've been saving the best for last.

To Analyze Statistical Samples

You've got white teeth
From white lies
...they must be,
And trust me,
There's insanity in those eyes.

Here's a year's challenge
And I'm crawling for the cup
That spilled red wine on the table cloth.
It will be what I remembered
It will be what I forgot.

I came in the fall
To have wings made of leaves.
All I needed was autumn
And belief grown on trees.
And by belief I meant
In terms of having faith...
I don't believe that you
Can possibly believe in me.

Denial of Acceptance

The ticks on the clock
Are the bricks to a wall
Waiting for the call
To have my name etched out.
It's consistency crumbles
And falls about onto the floor
Because every night is the same conversation
The pen is pushed for my resignation
From the house.

A little mouse told me to get the hell out
But I'd rather count to ten before I'm knock out.
This boxer takes hits to the heart
That dictate the beat, the finish, the start.
It's just a game.
You must learn these techniques
We are not all the same.

Sometimes you can't see
Everything that I feel,
Sometimes you can't see
That this could be real.
Sometimes you must believe
That your ears heard true,
Sometimes you must believe
That it just isn't you.

The Seconds Between Light and Sound

I stared down light streamers
As they beamed through the soft, smoky night.
Down four flights of stairs we went.
Rose thousands of flares,
Hell-bent.

But how they reached for the heavens
And lit up the skies.
I tilt my head back
To hold tears in my eyes.
Experienced eyes.

I have found mine
And I'm finding more out,
But it's
One.
Two.
Three strikes, you're out!

MoMentous Guilt

You were always working,
But knew were not working.
My ascent is your descent
It is boisterous.
It is jerking.

Culture shock!
I forgot where you have come from:
You were lacking
And backing against the wall.
But of all the three
It was lucky me who made it
Years later in a hospital
In a town I would call home.
And that would the extent of detail
As callus and malice would surely prevail.

I hated the feeling
Knowing that you were right
...But you were right.
And the tears did come and blurred your eyes.

I'm sorry,
So sorry I strangled your dreams...
Things aren't as pretty as they had seemed
When you left heading east
Leaving all but a sun,
And eighteen years back
You called me your son.

Day Two: Day to Day, Today!

Home is where I stay
Until I'll find out how to leave
Since they yell at their fall
But don't rake up a leaf.

Wake up!
Wake up!
Rake up those teeth,
So combed, so neat.

With one vent divided
To the corners of her full-sized bed.
She lets out a sigh.
Out on top of the sheets,
A rather drawing scene
As I say goodbye...

Hard Tetris

Test,
Test,
Test,
Test!
There's lots of stress
To be the best,
And I won't unless
I get needed rest.

Tripping On Milestones

Thousands and thousands of
Words and phrases
Of days and phases
Have shaped me to who I am
Under the weight of this momentous crown.
No way I'll slow down, just
Don't forget what I said:
Remember what's gone.
Each dawn has a story...
Dammit, life shall go on!

Drank

The cars are full
Like the stars are full
With the brightness of the brightest kids.
They're just trying to have some fun,
Living the stereotype
Under California sun...
And you know we're loving it!

Tell your cliques to take a rest.
This is a culmination
Of the best relations
Between one person and another
With only a year shared together:
Two thousand and nine,
So fine,
So fine.

The wave's crash brings me two years back.
Sun bleached shirts
And rolled up slacks,
Putting on a show for our closest friends,
Scanning the dark sea,
We are free.
We are friends.

Fire lights their faces,
Some light sheds on dark places.
The space between is filled.
They live on adventure and thrill.
So give them peace,
While they tear this place to pieces.
So fuck it,
Just send them the bill.

But give it good time
And you'll see words between the lines.
I left a dream and awoke asking why.
This yearning is burning
For my girls and my boys,
But I can assure you that staying is poison.

Transporter

I wish I knew what this was.
I wish to God I did.
For all I know,
These words are not mine.
The pen dips into shadows
Leaving stains illuminated
By a single street light.

This is where he stands,
One man
Writhing in the bile
Of his own thoughts.
Letting the stench sit in his clothing,
Single black backseat self-loathing.
I hope no one will ever find me
But I want them all to know
It's not me.

These tears are made for crocodiles
Backed from my eyes and soaked in my brain
While I switch from first to third,
There's no second,
Only shame.

I'm hiding from my friends
I'm hiding from it all
Headlights and eye sights
Burn everything above my head
And no one knows I'm even gone.
I scream in my own ears
Because I can't stand the silence
Of self.

This is me.
Throwing my books off of the shelves
Each one I wrote
Drags my heels toward hell.
Don't you dare tear your clothing
Because I'm the fool
Who thought you would.
Now I get what I deserve:
Choking on my tightening nerves.

I am a failure to myself.
...is that all I come to acknowledge?
I praised others to praise others,
I feed my spoiled baby with sour milk.
Maybe I'll leave
Once I've made a scene.
This paper has no sympathy,
This pen doesn't know what I mean.

Dare I mention the stars?
Dare I mention the scars?
The moon is in debt to the sun
But runs in foolish circles.
And still,
I'm putting alligator clips on my lips,
Wet with lipstick
Red.
And somehow I was surprised
When my heart felt the shock
And the light hit my eyes.
The inside of this hollow crystal
Is black.
And the bright outside says,
"Let go without a sound.
You've tethered the lifeboats
And they are going to drown
With you.
Do you really think this is fair?"
So I leave an unfitting scene,
Leaving my scent in the air
And yes,
I'm still not there.

I am not deserved.
I am not deserving.
A drunk takes a swig
At attempts to stop swerving.

I said it before on the eastern shore
When two puzzles were mixed
Until no pieces fit:
This is not me.
No matter how hard I tried,
Or how much I cried
No matter how hard I tried,
I'm not understood.
The termites have found pleasure
In your treasure made of wood.
And so I'm dying from the inside
And these stomach pains
Never do subside.
It's reality,
Pinching at my sides...
A slowdance where it leads,
A slowdance with no time.

So here I am, lost.
I don't know what I'm seeking
And for this lapse in time,
I'll explain I was sleeping.
Right now,
I'm on the edge.
Insane at the border.
I am not reason, destination, or order.
I am merely existence.
I am transporter.

Example One

The the harder the needle pushes to the left.
The harder it gets to force words through mental lips.
Rhymes fall out of the squint of my tired eyes.
While sitting on the stand,
Making alibis.
Who would have expected?
Who would have sensed?
That I'd stop making sense
For the sake of a post,
As my heart loses substance
And my ribs encase ghosts.

The Ends of Circles

I spent my childhood chasing rainbows
But now they are dates
In color-coded pen.
It's the same now
As it was back then.
I'm running, running,
A sprint to the end!
But as I run in this tunnel
The light seems to bend.

Tumblers

With the gate cracked open,
My thoughts run free in every direction.
But I am still bound to these thoughts
For they remain mine.
And I get tense as these chains
Lose slack
And unwind.

It went taught
When I was caught
On the curb by my car
But I stumbled on
Surroundings gone...
I must know where you are.

I should've known and not have lied
To myself.
More worrisome things beckon
Like keeping my friends alive.
No one dies,
But I still fade
And persuade myself that it's all
Okay.
Okay?

I'm getting defensive.
And getting up fences
That I'll tear down
With a look,
A "sorry!"
And a book that reads:
I once couldn't see,
I once couldn't feel,
But now I can tell
That this has been real
-ly different,
And now I finally understand.

Sucking Up Sand

Mind against motion,
The body is too stale.
Pores become moldy sores
And neural fibers combed out,
Smooth like the breaths,
In and out of consciousness.
Smooth like the transition of the day
Flawless when I saw it from my window.
Smooth like the sand that spills
From the holes in my pockets.
The plug fell out of the socket,
While I went running on reserves.
My nerves are shot.
My focus, lost.
So now I run through the courtyard
Equipped with broom and pan,
Trying to make sense
Of the ticks and the hands.

The Ghost of Imprints Past

I dipped my hand to test the waters
And I felt the drag
That threatening drag.
There are waves pulsing on the water
There is a light pulse in the water.
An illusion of a warmth
In the womb of the sea?
Aye, but the cold to get through
Would surely be the death of me.
More knowledge, more complexity
An implied parting
With a goodbye under my breath.
So I watch bubbles surface and pop
A mournful sound that beckons to me,
Stop.
I turn my back to the edge
And cast flowers from my post
From staring at these towers,
Over and over,
And sinking with a ghost.

Returning Chester

A weekend gone,
From zero to red.
Threefold at the edges,
Wedging our eyes open
To open and open.
We're dead not yet,
We're holding and hanging
On.

Leaking gray matter from the pressure,
You pursue fresher air
In hopes to get the hell out of there,
To let the wind
Bear the weights in your hair.

Bars hold me back,
As the quarter notes attack.
And you forget,
And I regret,
Formalities and familiarities.

So I gather exclusion
In a red metal case
Without financial intentions
But starving attention.
...So it is given,
And it is gotten.

The stability found
When all else fails.
The perfection embodied,
A storm that I sail.
The dictator laid down,
Halting reign that I hail.
The unseen pleasant things
That forgetfulness entails.

Silver Rabbit

Are these nerves too rusty to work?
Yet we wore them as they
Tore us apart.
As pleasing as a rock
As silencing as a sock,
We were thrown in the trunk
That jumbled our words
As they were spoken
And our ceramic masks were broken.
With shards so messy.

These are meant to be learned from
And our shame is meant to be burnt
Under the outdoor lights
Laugh after work and start anew
Because we are the lucky
And ever so few.

So are your nerves too flimsy to jerk?
These beasts feast on animals
While others channel their focus
On those of cameras
We've lost all standards!
And laugh at the shocks
That encouragement brings,
And our praise we sing
Until we heard word of the cops.
In a getaway so messy.

We run, but you lead
But then in I'm in
And out
Of cover.
Embarrassment of a lover
That is quickly recovered
I wouldn't ask for another.
I couldn't ask for another.
Something so perfect,
So messy.

Uncorked

I started with a startling thought:

You have what you don't want

And want what you don't have.

Well, I'm glad to say that isn't

Entirely true.

You can tell by the creak

Of now functionless seats.

They're all on their feet!

They're all on their feet!

Pleasant dams slow down my drift

That compliment our style

Of dramatic shifts...

We are clockwork.

We are god's work.

There's no stopping us now.

No,

Not while we're still alive.

And already it's over,

Our first one down!

But thank god we've still got five.

No Breath

Too much,
Too fast,
My mind
Can't last
The race.
This pace
Disgraced
My pride.
I hide
In sleep,
Forget
These things,
And I
Just feel
much worse.

The Calling

The sour taste of shadows
Overpowers a raspy voice.
I've been breathing in sponges
And belting a blossom
Of granite,
Of rust.

Places, places,
Call in the replacements.
This is my selfish jealousy,
This is what happens
When you get to be
Me.

Before and After

The plane landed, but I never stopped.
And when my face hit the tarmac
I only ran faster.
Disoriented form a story that ended
At 7:28 p.m.
I burned the coal
And closed my eyes,
Full speed behind!
I'm hurdling dams
To hurdle more waves
To find a nice desk to resign.
This ship is sick
The crew has turned lime,
The clouds stole our guidance
The sun stole our time.

If I could sit back in the waters
Of the eye of the storm,
I'd let go of the oars
And let freedom be born.

From Charlie to Angels

Here's to a day
Lost in changing planes
No time to say good bye!
Just leave a note behind...
And walk back to familiarity
Walking back to family.

Let your recollections
Clang with the affection
In tied cans to your bumper.
Sugar, mint, and grain,
Running for the train,
Knowing the pain of indecision
After walking the streets,
Noting deeds both good and bad
But nonetheless,
An experience to be had.

I followed laughs down the gateway
That told me, "Come home!"
And its signal was tranquility
In a silent, resting monotone.
The States' scale had tipped
From the places I had flown,
And balanced has been restored
Now that I'm finally back home.

Big Bad of Googies

I was drawn in by the colors,
But they were poison,
It was a spoof.
So I'll call these bricks my own,
Metropolitan,
Fire proof.

Bad Tapes and Balanced Stereo

Every day is a page I rip into two.

A series of sacrifices,

Making me

A slave to own devices:

The power of thought.

I bought into it all

and now,

I'm facing that squad

With my hands on the wall,

Assembled on the quad.

Defining my god.

They're lighting their city

They're licking their grins

And I'm guessing in tunnels...

To find where I went in.

And where I'll get out.

And I quiet the echoes

with even more shouts.

The is sampling nectar

With the venom of snakes,

To make the hardest decision

That I'll ever make.

T

Adding ah's to the er's

And oh's to the um's,

Here I imagine old men

When they were young.

You can never erase that dead  stare.

In your red wagon dreams

Those eyes are still there...

And youth is dead.

I almost feel guilty

Laughing young bubbles from my seat,

Filled with nothing but trivial troubles

That float away,

And away,

And away.

But I refuse to say a word on that matter.

The chatter of the train

Inclines us to do the same,

And so we laugh.

And so we think.

With our new friends.

And our mixed drinks. 

Brownstones

So put it on the cart
Or put it on the cot?
It seems that I've forgotten
That I've been flying all day
Listening to what people had to say
About the crying baby not too far away.
Stretching maps long,
Plus three hours
Gone.

Tired from the heat
Of a long, sleepless night
I felt as if I was ready to die,
Until I took a breath of the air
Outside.
Sunshine.
And brisk Boston air.
I was constantly wishing
You could've been there.
The city was waiting,
The river was waving,
So I buttoned the coat
I had always been saving
For a day like this.

Reverse Thrust Boosters

Airplanes and birds
Spread their wings through the sky,
But this airport is far from a bird's nest.
Its best twigs have thorns
And its fledglings have horns
That will poke a hole in any self-control
You thought you ever had.

They're filled with so much water,
They might as well explode,
So the young alarm makes sure
That everyone knows.
I regret to inform you
That this is my home.
The nest has a stench
That has me grabbing at walls,
Trying to create a distance
With the least amount of resistance.

But we all know
That the innocent are bombed
So I run down this terminal
As missiles whistle me on.
So now I sit on the floor
Holding to my chest
Everything that I hate,
And I yell at the wall
For an echo... delayed.
Delayed.
Delayed.
Delayed.
Delayed.
Delayed.
Delayed.
You feel that?
Your anger?
Your sadness?
Your hate?
Yeah, sulk all you want.
Delayed.
Delayed.

When Cars Look Like Stars Under Streetlights from a Plane

We had our last supper
On a cardboard box
Then we watched as the evening
Made all sorts of locks.
All non-confining,
But rather defining
What we really want:
To go the distance
Without the separation
To speak what we mean
And not need conversation.

It was the look in your eyes
And the salt in your tears
That made everything real
And made hold you nearer.
This fear is not estrangement,
A hot phone held against my chest,
So in defense my heart flexed
To preempt what happened next.
And your tears, I kissed,
As they fell to your lips
So you'd never forget
That you will be missed.

Muchness

Attention to detail
Disregard for retail
Yes, I have found,
Great deals without the bin,
Great pleasure without the sin.

I adjust my shower head
While washing in the harbor
And as the thunder claps louder
The rain falls down harder...
Hot,
Cold,
Hot,
Cold,
Emotions are emphasized,
Underlined and bold.
None of this was foretold
Like when I sold my hopes
To the government of reason.
But call me a traitor,
This is the kind of treason you can trust.
Hitting twenty, but never bust.
Grinning heavy, lost in so much.

So I sit in this salt bucket
Filled with cold drips
Licking my lips as I finish this quilt
Of euphoria and resentment,
But mostly of guilt.

I pulled the trigger that let my soul fly
That went through the walls between
Your body and mine,
And with smiling and crying
I set you alarmed,
Touch by the fact
That I've been disarmed.

Mental Leap

I apologize for my sleepy eyes
Filled with sand and other heavy things:
The blue with black shadows,
The bland default screen,
All of which are irrelevant
To the truly important things.

I hope this is not
A degradation in quality
Due to happiness embodied
Months before the fall.
With a mind rearranged
To serve an alternate current,
The circuits are bent
And I'm just trying to make sense.

May this not be a procession
For the recession of sorrowed seas
As slowly,
One by one,
Fall the leaves off of trees
Until they are naked like the page
Made of them, once good age.
May this not be the next step
When paper turns to mulch,
And ink becomes unsafe
And a hazard to be kept.

Here comes the chorus
And the orchestra in bloom,
With the boom of tympani drums
And my thumb in my mouth
And my feelings going south
To make room for more...

And the reprise swept the sea far onto the shore.

Something Clever For Something Short

Confusion and sleep,
I'm living (in) a dream,
And we're questioning the volume on the television screen.

Relief

I let out a breath
With blood in my lungs,
Sugary and metallic,
But this dream was not one
Any close to being done.

I opened my eyes to even more dark
As stark asphyxiation
Became an indication of impending doom,
Making an animal from a deflating balloon.

So there I was,
As sad clown with smeared make-up
Trying to find what I was made of,
Shoving my tricks too far up his sleeve,
So far until I could no longer breathe.
And I lied on his back.
As a panic attack ensued.
But then,
The stage glow lit up the entire room
And never too soon... on with the show!

And what came out from the sack,
You would never have guessed,
When I unraveled the deadweight
That lay on my chest...

Who would ever keep cats in a bag in the first place?

Voices in the door...

There are things unexplained
That lie beneath the wood grain.
Thunder echoes from every knock
Turning my stomach into knots.
Childhood fears and childhood dreams,
Childhood brain conjures childhood things:
Well maybe there are people,
Between the plywood they hide!
...Or maybe it's their yelling
Just on the other side.

Thank God we have one more who follows after me
To cushion the joints of this dysfunctional family.
And if his adhesive won't stick,
Well then I'm afraid this is it.

322,406

After two weeks,
I'm too weak to do this alone,
But I am nowhere near shame.
Things will never be the same
Since this wound above my heart is big
From putting something in
So hearty,
So heavy
That I cannot fathom carrying on my own.

But whether I like it or not,
It will soon be my time
To finally grow...
And finally go.

Try losing your keys
In the city of Boston,
Or losing your mind
Right here in L.A.
And all the while, this collaboration
Seems to go against an entire nation,
While the Rockies try to keep you in
And you're stood up by the Appalachians.

We close our eyes
In hopes to close our minds
To a decision we know is tough.
Hell, it's not even here
And it would not be forever...
But it sure will be close enough.

Buffer

Here are the words
That are placed between spaces,
Here are the shoes
Sporting two untied laces,
Here are the heads,
Erased canvas,
No faces,
Here are the lines
Slowly
Sweeping
My traces.

Is this truly abstract?
Did this really just happen?
This is meaningful action,
For the sake of distraction.

Heat Panned Left

This time I'll try
To be a little more sly
In my approach,
Like the fairways of filters
In our throats for when we spoke.
All in hope that we didn't choke
On our intricate alibis,
Explaining in detail
The events of two nights ago,
The strong controlled flow
Of every element we know:
No earth,
Nor wind,
Nor fire,
But touch,
And breath,
And desire.

But this dam is not made of hardened sand,
A lustful man's work
With the appearance of the quirks
Of a three-year-old hand.
No, this dam reaches
And this dam feels
With steel
Backed with steel,
Backed with steel,
Backed with steel,
Protecting a core of perpetual heart
With blood vessels spanning the distance
Apart.
Churning and churning,
Turning the knot in your gut
(Like that time you thought
That there wasn't enough)
Into a bow on the pillow
That sat on the bed
That I never warmed with
The heat of my head.

And the next morning
We smirked at our screens
As we recalled the things that now recline
In the back of our minds
After running three and forgetting the rest,
A mental test
That proved to be the best in the stretch
As we had stretched our arms
At five in the morning...
So I laugh at the thought
Of you telling her this story.

I tell you mine and I tell you my past's
So you can really get to know
How long this has lasted.
Longer than the L.A. snow,
The lights that hung low
From my roof in December...
Longer than you ever thought you'd remember.

I sit at this shady table,
Anti-social and gaining all sorts of labels,
To tell you I'm going to do
Whatever I'm able to do
To not make the same mistake of our elders,
And instead of an end,
This will get even better.

Catfish Pie

So here I show you
My utmost appreciation,
Not only through movement
But in abstract recitation
That will never do you
Any justice
For when I fell asleep
And awoke in a dream:
Morning sun,
Breathing you into my lungs.

So here's a lengthy one
For the one I love so much
Because if I am the stagger
Then you are always the crutch,
And if every word brings you further
Into a state of disbelief,
The you'll soon be raving mad,
Made with love
Addressed from me.

Kakaw! I never saw this coming,
Roles reversed, but nonetheless
In the dark, we start humming
To the strumming of familiar tunes
And reenact the dreams I had
In the scorching nights of June...
But the cast is new
And it's just me and you.

So here we lied
Looking at each other
Through blurry eyes,
And we held each other like a moment,
Holding tight,
Hoping it would never,
Ever,
Die.
And we made memories to dance
In a waltz, three-four time
With the songs that were baked
Into this fresh catfish pie.

Three

On the stage

In the sky

By my side,

My lucky stars

Have no intent to die.

Oh no, no, no...

This is my anthem

This is my best of.

Extract from my past

Emotional moments

The motion of romance,

Under second hand light,

Felt by notes hit just right...

And my god, does this glove fit!

But you'd be crazy to think

I'd ever quit.

We're alive in the night

No lights under the door,

This is so real

And everything

I could ever

Ask for,

Without even saying a word...

Natural Light

Suddenly,
God's dry erase crumbles off our skin
Exposing identity and original sin,
But for what?
The hours overwritten
To write another new,
That will become another overwritten
To be once again renewed.

My love is a clean slate,
And we paint the canvas with our skin.
Our heart is our palette
Our tongue is our brush,
Our eyes of no use
Our lips better hushed.

So we found our gold
In a patch of green
With red in our cheeks
And blue in the sky.

A sole white balloon
Wanders and drifts
Flowing with the current
Of those misty ships,
But that sea is of nothing
Only mirrored glass.
These kisses are locked
With the strands of your hair
And your licking your lips
Because we're truly on air.

Matters of Worth

Some days I hope that

The tint, the sweaters, and the jackets

Would sometimes stop the racket

That is defined

By true lies.

This house is of concrete,

Its windows abstract...

How ugly.

Even this heard, by resolving words,

Just builds a foundation

Deeper into sand.

I'd write a message on this tablet

That would be forgotten in an instant,

The tongue has been disarmed

And I'm as helpless as an infant.

I can sulk because I can

And you can wander in the woods,

But this shepherd is no man

And he does nothing that he could

To save himself. 

Matters of Wanting

Disregard for the bars

Set when this all began,

I push them away

With a reckless hand.

Idle and wild...

My chosen lifestyle,

Growing without restraint,

Tainting the roots that hold

This towering tree.

I'm a hollowed out oak

Soaked in sour milk.

My legs wobble on this mud pie hill

And this angered god has his hand

On his hilt.

His merciless justice

Will slaughter earth's sow

And this abor will serve in the wind

As my plow.

Clouds

I've found the beauty
In the moment's breath,
My life carefully drawn
From violets to reds.
I'm enjoying the secrets
That discrete details hide
And seeing the world
Through glittery eyes.
I'm dancing with the sun,
Golden and round...
I guess I had a turn around.
And I'm proud to say that ever since,
I've been drinking my tea
With airplanes and blimps.

A Hush Through A Smile

Pencil in that nothing
That will turn into something
Stretching out inconspicuous seams,
Eating at your evening
Without anyone seeing.

Make a bed that was never slept in,
Clean the face that was never dirtied,
And say goodbye to the ghost
You persistently hurried all night...
This is the good fright,
Found under soft light.

Those magnetized headlights
Push my car away
And in my cunning getaway,
I pull back the moon roof
And under the veil of my engine
Roaring loud,
And I tilt back my head
To throw whispers in the clouds.

Oil Slicks On Ice

Like the gleam in your eyes
Like the very first time,
This cannot be labeled
This can't be defined.

Alignment

There was a tear
In the fabric of time
That sent my mind careening
Into an infinite wall.
But there is no use in stitching
A wound always itching...

So I cover it deep
With new memories I keep
Because the engine has stalled,
All the doors are locked,
And we're suspended in space.

Yet face-to-face,
We are here, pressure-free
Since there is freedom of intention
When playing in the darkness
Of the fourth dimension.

Engines & Locks

As I stood
A thousand feet tall,
I began to recall
The thousand times before,
Wondering what I was waiting for
When city lights stunk like onions
And brought tears to my eyes
When annual winds would sigh
At this dismal sight:
Me, wasting away my night.
A slave to my sex
And acoustic sets.

The year started
With a predicate
Without a nominative.
A run-on sentence,
Running on
Chance,
Change and
Difference.

Oh, this was brought on
By coincidental design,
A bright night pieced together
Like a dynamite Lite-Brite.

You took the fuse
And burned it,
Now I'll put in the key
And turn it.

This Note Was Supposed To Be Burned

I was anxiously waiting
As you spelled out silent secrets
Until they decomposed
And you fell asleep.

But as soon as I forgot,
You forgot your need.
And it was then when we proceeded,
Step by step,
As slow as we needed.
A succession of breaths
From yours to mine
Varying by position
Varying in time.
But this lab needs no coats
And this reality needs no hope
Because this is all I need,
And you are all I need.

Our innocent traits
Reach through these guilty gates
With our courteous sieves
And we keep eye contact
When it tightens and gives
Tightens and gives.
Opened or closed,
Heavy or slow,
The inexplicable lives
When it tightens and gives.

Memorable,
Darkened,
Images and
Recollections
Of softest touch
Of softest voice
This is freedom of thirst
This is freedom of choice.

The Californian lifestyle
And our colorful lights I'll
Hang like streamers
On this commercial jet.
And you'll grab them tight,
And I will too,
Because of this something I've found
That I'll never forget.

And my biggest clue
Was that it was there
Before I even knew.
Before I even saw it.
Before I could draw the masks
Out of my closet.
Flimsy and elastic,
Of paper
Of plastic.
And yet,
Still you laughed and you cried...
Before the red was even drawn.

It is that yawn
When you feel that long drive coming on
It is that kiss good night
When you feel that something here is right.
It was when,
I knew you then.
This is how,
I feel you now.

I do not know what love will be,
But it seems that I've lost the necessity to dream...

Lust Songs

So now I find myself
Pushing the sun against
This beautifully pale vista,
Because I've discovered
Another source of energy
Satisfying,
Electrifying,
A pleasant mix with
Fire, wine, and jazz.
And in that fulfillment
Physical,
Verbal,
I meant it.
And I think I'm uncovering
Something authentic.

O, how you're only assertive
When the lights are off
And the game has already started...

These Moments Shared

I step out into the cold
The arms of the bear,
Breathing
In the cold air
Thinking
Of your scented hair.
So here we are,
Sweet isolation
A starlit sensation.

And when I forgot to breathe,
Everything was still
And everything was seen.

Come For The Bull

I've found comfort in understanding
This outstanding situation,
Free of manipulation,
Simple and pure,
As sure as this sacred air that we breathe
Blessed with the truths
That come out when we speak.

This oddity is a normalcy within itself
And so we fit better in the mold that they made.
We teased at the thought,
In the casing we played.

So it will hide and it will show
In the back of our minds
With a faint subtle glow
Because some secrets are kept safe,
And they are better that way.

Snowy Plover & Least Tern

Five glasses on
Two bottles in,
These drawings don't make any sense
But we love them anyways
And yeah, it's the good pain
Pinching at our sides,
And we're laughing so hard
That we think we might die.

And later,
After basking in the glory
Of going south and north again
Reaching for the past, but then going back home
To a future unknown,
Exciting,
And surely dehydrating...
My body yearns for that water
My tongue a dried sponge
Placing cracked whispers in your ear.

Now what?
We follow,
We chase,
We vary the pace at which
We provide and circumvent.
Until beats divide my breath,
Never to rest
Until we put it to rest.
Actions speak louder than words
Until the actions provoke the words
That provoke the action...

And in that moment,
Things came to life,
With a beat of their own.

It's something no one else will ever understand.

The Essence of Existence

Hyperventilation,
Demanding isolation,
The abstract structure of this universe
Has fallen apart.

I.
Can't.
See.
Beyond.
What.
Is.
Seen.

My eyes focus on nothing
Searching my brain,
Searching my surroundings,
For an answer.
There is no cure for this cancer.
There are nothing but bodies.
Interacting,
Temporarily animated,
Bodies.
Chemical.
Electrical.
Physical.

Where is God?

May future be my remedy
May I come to terms this,
This ending of life.
Because I'm not going to lie to you...
I am terrified.

This Tall Blue Bridge

It was a few years back,
Dressing nice in suit and tie
Celebrating a joyous moment
That I was never a part of,
But rather apart from.
There was moonlight in my glass
And champagne on the ice.

William told me to love,
So I closed my eyes and fired.
But the stray bullets got tired
And skidded to a halt
To sink and to sink...
Towards the deep floors
Scarred with faults,
And it calls to me.
And it falls for me.

So I sat at the stern
And I contemplated lessons learned.
All the while,
White tipped waves made V's in the night
As the skyline blurred in the absence of light

But now,
Oh now,
You startle the mind
With your arms still reaching high over the sea,
Holding heaven from this hell called the ocean's deep.

Apparently, you need a stepladder to reach for salty skies...

Crash!
Go the waves as I run into their arms
Curling me in with no sense of alarm.
Bang!
Goes the spectrum that splashes between clouds
Themselves being sponges of colors so loud.
This is the fabled springtime assault,
And I will be this season's martyr
And I will take all the fault!

Die, die, die before I am slain by the weekday!
It weakens me by the day,
Until I choke on my calender and throw up on my page.
An essay is a body that must be created
But I fear that mine may be destroyed.
This is too much work for a man of my age
Regurgitating deadlines on a neatly-boxed page.
My time is almost up, and if I make it,
I'll be gone.

We'll be driving towards the sun
As the ocean air swirls through the vibrant skies.
Our arms will be wings dangling out the windows,
Catching the wind as we begin to fly...

But these adverse currents make the work horse slow,
Still I'm measuring my freedom in hours to go!

2-2

I stared in the mirror for far too long
And the person I once knew
Was gone.
Dear God... am I getting older?
These fault lines darken
And become so much bolder.

So I retrace the wrinkles on my face,
Created from courtesy
Created from jealousy
Created from anger
Created from grace.
It is weathered,
Worn down with a sewn-on idle frown
...But all in all, I do not mind
So I laugh at my face while I suck on these limes.

But this silence can shoot down a thousand lies
By the fear from staring in familiar eyes
And duct flowers blossom with every blink
For the stranger standing here at my bathroom sink.

The Updraft

Long ago,
I gave up searching for ways
To rationalize accelerating days
Because the only sure calculation
Was wasting them with hesitation
Talking to the doctor
And lying on the chaise
Searching for those ways,
Wasting all those days...

I let go when I had a dream to call home
A sparkler in my pocket
Writing names, dates, and places
In blank spaces in my mind.
What beautiful cursive it wrote
Crooked and continuous
Through one stream of
Soft, soothing smoke.

This is finding comfort in defining flaws
This is dressing up for your conference calls
This is swimming my waters you lovingly test
This is
What is
To say
The best
I've been.
This love is a kite, and it's caught in the wind...

A Philosophy On Educational Sweets

Oh, the hype we make
And the stipends we pay,
Our hours spent meeting
Deadlines!
Deadlines!
Flat-line...
You're dead!

Aye, there's the rub
That you rub in the sides of your head.
But these blistering balloons are filled
With nothing but air!
So sit down and take the time
To get the knots out of your hair...

We win some, we lose some,
But cool kids like us
Have enough love in our lives
And enough color in our eyes
To make positives out of anything,

It just adds up.

Future Perspective from an Eastbound Window

This chaparral,
My chaparral
Is the West Coast's beauty mark
That isn't hard to mark
From a plane a couple miles in the air
When his time away ticks
On my homemade heart attack.

Yeah,
It's the waves goodbye
The bring us right back
And these mix CD's make me just want to stay more
As I look back on what used to be mine
Lost in the shimmer of the California shoreline...

Under Review

I'll remember this day
And I'll see if I'm broken
In or apart
Through blood type and through heart,
Yes, this marks the start.
And the drafts are all but drafty,
And rather hot off the press.

You've made me reevaluate.
You've made me appreciate
The damn clever ways this world works,
Through the warmth of your words
And our reflections in our quirks

But oh, you know this feeling
And maybe,
I'm dealing with dealing with dealing with—
So I play this song one more time
Until its words come to life,
And it sounds as if we really made it...

Manquer et Aimer

Sunrays cascade on familiar grounds
And shake from the courtyards
Familiar sounds.
It is the warmth of vibartion
From the sunlight and the voices
That will forever,
Forever,
Remind me of my choices.

They're the ones that I made
And the ones that made me,
When I never thought to let go
Of that tough, bloody organ
As I clutched it by the aches
Until it was sore again.

These four colors
Are the last of their kind
That I'll ever see.
Blue,
Black,
Red,
Green.
But as I twirl with brushes
On my radial edges,
The ledge extends
And becomes so much steeper
As the mixed paints bring meaning
To a depth so much deeper.

It is the abyss of blind bliss
Found in absence of light
So it may not be found with the power of sight,
But by giving that tough, bloody organ a fight.

Et à la fin de ce bon journée,
Je n'avais pas vécu ce dont j'ai rêvé.
J'avais rêvé de quoi j'ai vécu,
Et je me lamente sur le temps j'ai perdu.

Sedimentary Elements of Elementary Sediments

The clouds in my eyes
Have reached forecasted highs
And these thunderclap fables
Are times tables well-known,
And electrical spines
Follow tracelines pre-shown,
And these storms remain as easy to spot
As predicting rain after the first dozen drops.

So I stop rewound clocks
To taste old words on my lips
From a serum of cycles
Of which I took slow sips.
And now I loosen my neural grip
On bow-set dreams on phantom ships,
Because this is far from a love story
And the wait is getting painfully boring...

Now I look up to the sky
And sigh as stars show there faces.
In their evening's good graces,
Our earth's celestial dividend,
I pull out a pen to connect dotted lights.
I restring the laces of deep outer space
Counting degrees within corners I made,
And I let out a sigh once more
As I connect one last dot on the far eastern shore.
And everything comes around
And everything comes together
When the cleared weather shows the glow of my angels
In synaptic loops at three-hundred-sixty angles.

Heisenberg, You Don't.

Give me enough time,
Or none at all,
And I'll promise you
These things will come loose.
Rocks into glitter
That add shimmer to the seas
Trees paraplegic
And then put on their knees

Kneel to the king
Kneel to the king
Bow to the power
No power can bring

I'm pleading ambivalent.
A friend's loss at the cost
Of preempting the pain,
My own from unknown paths
From which nothing gained.
I stand still
And you walk away
While I prepare speeches
On teleprompt display.

So now I stand in the shower
Washing my skin with degausser and soap.
And with swabs in my ears
For a conscience absolved,
I sit back on the glass
And watch dreams dissolve.

A Little Bit of Self-Preservation

Every morning you wake
With worry in your hair,
And concern on your chest,
And burden on your shoulders.
But it's thrown off with the covers
Of your skin getting older,
So actions come bolder
And others come dead
And you comb out the rest
With the bed in your head.

We have mirrors for mirrors
So we're never alone
And we count up the reasons
To never leave home.
And then dies suspense
When you count up your cents:
There's one for your blessings,
Two for your views,
Three for the wheel,
And four to see clues.

And every day is another chance
To ask life for just one more dance
And when she asks to what kind
You respond in combo:
A little bit of mambo,
A little bit of jive,
And a little bit of staying alive...

Slow For Crossing (You Talk Too Much)

These candles on my birthday cake
Leave burns only skin deep
And I try to keep things sane
But the task becomes more difficult
When things remain the same.

It's become comfort in habit,
A finger-wagging nun
Shunning my selfish sins
Burning the bastard bins
Because these thoughts don't deserve a breath
So I throw a curse as I breathe your breath.

In,
Out,
Spout another to be past about.
Spawned from narcissism
Spawned from sin
Spawned in the dregs of the bastard bin.

I cross your street with a shopping list,
A succession of thoughts,
A pattern never missed,
But its effectiveness is to be marked
Like shooting bullets in the air,
Like talking like there's no one there.

And it's hard to make peace and restock the shelves
When you've made their lives a living hell,
When your dreams don't live past ringing bells,
When your greatest enemy is only yourself.

An Pog

Here's the situation:
The eyes of our nation
Are on
You.
And my question is:
What do you have to prove?
You point and fire the lead,
Then put your hands
On your perspiring head,
And don't move...
Just what do you think they'll do?

You throw all your friends
In the magnetic tide
As electrical storms
Prick holes in their eyes.
Polarized,
Neutral.
Charged,
Neutral.
Neutral,
Neutral.
Polarized,
Charged.

I charge the gates
Then slowly back away.
I cry innocent are guilty
With nothing else to say.

I hope that maturity will find a way
To process my thoughts
And set things straight,
Because my only control
Is my hope in fate,
And I can't clean up
Every mess that I make.

Supplementeddy Bear

We all have our secrets and dress them with phrases,
Genius but disingenuous
All to get in your good graces.
I keep the prongs grounded
To hold back the shock,
The jaw dropping
Heart stopping
Unlocking of locks.
My talk is my silence
My blanks mostly lies,
And I can relate with all
And none of these guys.

I'm stuffed.
And if you knew what I know,
You'd also think it's enough.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
But I've hit the wall.
These clothes don't quite fit
And I can't stand your call.
These notches aren't worth it.
I'm just an aside.
But a trike needs three wheels
So I'm here for the ride...

The Subconscious Drift Into An Unknown Stage

My jealousy is overwritten easily

And forgotten all too soon

When tucked in the front seat

Staring up at the moon,
When out on the couch
Bodies warmly in tune...

This is 3am with no traffic, both ways
Where the ticks have no value
And thus, the moment stays.

This is being caught between the changing of the days.

Sweet Sing Along, Three Hours Long

You step back one
But march on two more
Slowly but steadily,
We build our levees to bear the load
Of currents heavy though separated,
Those words you said you hated:
I won't be here next year.

So I draw theoretical tears
On the blueprint map,
Preemptive of a future near
And so I say what there is to say,
The unspoken truth
The decay of youth,
Just to get it out of the way,
And let life live until death,
Until our breaths reek with rich past
Aged like wine and fermented in time,
A love supreme
For a long in between.

So when none other does pass
Than the desire for responsive glass,
Pass the word to the grade school suckers,
I wish their reputation and pockets good luck!
We don't need a DJ,
We don't need chaperones.
Because all we need, we've got:
A dance party of our own.

Spectroanalysis

If I've learned something
From counting tallies on weathered walls
And playing catch with tethered balls,
Morning does not dictate the day
And latter shades of blue will do something to you too.

From yearning in your dreams,
Odd and unheld,
To waking up to things
Unfinished.
But departure will shake your core
Until you can't take any more of the sound
And just as it gets worse,
Your feet leave the ground.
Then suddenly the air doesn't seem so dense
And the patchwork farms patch up and make sense
The clouds reveal the daybreak's suspense
While you squint to see life
In a new lens.

Everything falls into place
With a controlled steady pace:
Your heart in my hands,
Your awkward phrases I heard
Like the sound of baby's laughter
While you sing the wrong words

Singing Sticky Love Notes

Peel off the claps that adhere on the walls
One after the other
Like Poprocks in the sky
Borderline boulder-sized

Slip off the symphony of sounds
The boys you spent your nights with
Talking with mouths zipped
And peace pistols gripped

Hold off the hungry-hearted man
Spilling into this medium
Sealing them in a melody
Coated in flavorful trills
Steaming the window sills

Then,
It is just one note.
It is steady
It is rhythmic
It is smooth
It is beautiful
It is love.

Now,
Open your eyes to the rest.
It is loud
It is mysterious
It is connecting
It is colorful
It is life.

They go hand in hand, side by side,
So take a bow and love your life.

Magnet Theory

This moment is a moment
And forever never more...
But preceding the dream
Came much closer things,
The tidal turns that context brings.
But within or without,
The riptide may not hide
What sandy assumptions buried in confidence.

In this once thought of providence,
One can get close, but can never stay,
And this asymptotic function goes both ways.
And I found the problematic solution
Indifferent in resolution
In the wine on his breath
And buzz in his eyes.

And as the old man preached
I mistakened his scent for my own
And it sent me months back
To laughing at the sun
Burning in playful embarrassment
And leaning on its shoulders,
At least ten fold in strength,
On a rooftop overlooking the Mexican border...

And so when it comes to the theory
Of relations and lies,
Things are more or less
Demagnetized.

Without Direction

This compass twirls and curtsies in ballet flats
As question marks prance on arterial maps.
I fire flares for no one there,
A shooting star with an arc of smoke
Upon which I wish,
But then I choke.

Help!
I'm lost and without direction
And there are too many paths to my pictured perfection.

When Mama Thinks You're A Murderer

On atlases, there are lines

On maps, there are crosses
But heading south towards the mouth of the gulf,

The border gets fuzzy
And blends into the horizon,
So I open the glove compartment to put all my lies in.

Indifference is a silent coward
And it devours the soul
Until the point where you don't know what's thinking
And you're blinking your yes's and no's
Just to make this go a bit slower.
But that road is too far and out of sight

And looking back on the unfolding of the night,
There were highways in its creases that we never did know.

I am a parasite,
Sucking the light from your sweet summer glow
From the veins in your body that provide luscious flow.
I clear the shelves with my words
And sprawl it out across the room,
I lay you out nice and neat
And all the while I still assume
There is nothing but wadding crumpled up in this shell
But this wadding may be my punched ticket to hell.

The Primary

It was our world in the purest form

Reds, blues, and yellows

From which our colors were born.

The colors torn through to make

A scar in the aura of this setting sun.

Millennia of advancements

In atmospheric make up

Have made her exit gaudy

And a bit overrated.

This is the picture perfect you paint:

The texture, the shading, the harlot, the saint.

You show me the ceiling,

You show me the man,

But all that's in focus are the artist's fine hands.

Kinesthetic

He is the kid who wants broken toys
For what they once had been:
The glossy picture in the magazine
Swirling up dreams and fanciful things.

And there is no intimidation in a garbage bin
Because he doesn't think he'll ever understand
Until he has the pieces in his hand
Put together with his strongest glues,
The laces on his shoes,
Adorned with sad, sticky bubblegum blues.
And the result will be...
Whatever it was supposed to be.
But his hellbent knees won't take a stand
Until the final product is in his hand.

You're a moonlight surprise
With your lovely dyes
And he shields you with his eyes,
Because he can't with his arms
And he sees how those kids admire your charm...

Even this boy gets tired from staying up nights
And all the while, his growth he stints
His youthful distractions avert his sight
But he can't have this fade until next Christmas print.

My Best Mistake

Don't think I think
That this is a game
Because I don't give a damn
How the cards are played
I don't care about technique.
I don't care about reason.
I don't care about style.
All I know
Is this is the best mistake
I've made in a while...

And these heavy eyes
Just won't hide my lies
So these lips are bent to show a smile,
And all the while my limbs do ache
From a tiring night my dreams do make
Sweat-soaked to the core,
More fatigued than the day before.

But the morning comes
And your song I hum
With a dance of glance symphonies,
Accompanied with a smile.

52 Pick-Up

This room is made of lights
That assault the eyes
That swirl into the center
In which they finally die

This room is made of sounds
That drip out of sync
That are muffled and dank
And too thick to drink

This room is made of cards
That line my four walls
That expand with a breath
But on exhale they fall

This room is made of nothing
This room is my head
This room is too tired
And going to bed.

Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro

It takes two clicks to go home
But four to go far away...
Starting familiar, but making your way
To whatever you want,
There's no need to speak
When phrased just right
And kept in the beat.
Fifteen songs deep
Five hours long
..and we're still going strong.
With sores on our hands
And cramps in our feet.

This is conversation without the tongue
This is the fire without the gun
This is sparking a dream without a light
This is battling life without a fight

This was the day we decided to ditch
This was the best idea we pitched
And when the chorus shook the floor,
We weren't in Kansas anymore.

What I meant to say was...

You are a lot more
And there is an ocean beyond that shoreline.
Infinite depth...
And with an intimate breath,
You let it be known.
And how your flourishing waters have grown
Teeming with beaming rays of light
Riding the ripples from laughing at life.
Your secrets are smiles
And moonlight has shone
Your heart is the sun
Your ocean, its home.

You are all,
And all it contains:
The pretty, dirty bottles
With touching text,
But paper plain,
The shy shells that sink
But peek in the sand,
Hiding but yearning a curious hand.
Unintended perfection
Without direction
A precious phenom
A something to lean on.
You are more than the crests' reach,
More than the roar and sizzle
As they crash on the beach...
You are a lot more.
This, I am sure.

And now I try to make up
For sleepy words I made up,
So go put down your make up
Because you are beautiful the way you are.

Believe Me (Or Don't, Whichever's In My Favor)

I've taken the day off to reevaluate my life
I've taken my shoes off to step back into the night
Backwards,
Box by box in calendars,
My millstone is my clock.

I hum nostalgic tunes
As I rummage through the ruins.
Do you remember when?
Do you remember then?
It was all simple there
The head before the hair.
The voice before the words.
The rise before the fall.
But youth ends,
And split ends tell you
Things aren't quite the same,
Are they?

In retrospect,
I never said it right.
In retrospect,
I never saw the light.

I try to differentiate
Between mirrors and glass
The fun house of present
Blurs future and past
And we strive for conclusions
From distorted confusion

Some wish for too much and fall down the well
When everyone already has someone else.
I'll try not to make the mistake of our youth,
But people like masks more than they like the truth.

Flaccid

The collar is stiff and close to your skin,
Checking your pulse,
Checking your moves,
Finding the wrinkly grooves of your neck
To burrow itself like you'd never expect

It's got you, my friend,
And it softens your sense
Nerve by nerve
From the softest incisions,
Softer than hands made to emphasize visions,
Your visions so grand
Filled with splashes of light
That show in your future.
That show in your eyes.

Just for once, open up!
Unbutton down and be proud,
Because I can't wait to see
How this crease irons out.

Wires and Stilts

We put God in a rocket ship
And sent him up in the air,
Turquoise paper mache
With cotton ball lint,
To keep tabs on the asteroids' flicker and glint
To spend all his nights
Watching planets and satellites...
And anything else to help him get through the night

And so He sits there idly
While we idolize our prize:
The jealousy
The hunger
The lust in our eyes.
Because God's taken care of
And there's no need to lie.

Though my closest absolution
Was the solution to a hectic dawn.
Hours up before the alarm,
I held your limp frame in my arms.
I kept you warm in this metal cage
And cherished the innocence of youthful age

Be good.
And do everything I should've done
Because before you know it
You'll be under the gun
At the end of a path of a life overrun
With leaves
That leave
Yourself with an itch,
Insatiable burning felt under the stitch
Placed on your chest for when you forget
What you've always been wearing that hung on your neck.

A Fitting Career For A Faded Star

It's time to invest in a future
That will mask all my sutures
I'm a young man without plans
Put in permanent ink.
I wrote the right
In pencil-scribed scripts
That lived in my eyes
And read from my lips
But the graphite and friction
Turned my words into fiction
And now all that I carry is gray.

Your hopes left the door open wide
So the clouds in the sky found their way inside.
So now I stare at this haze
Looking for a sentimental way
To say nothing.

And from the cycle of reason to heart,
The haze on the page
Turns to black and white bars
And the rush in my veins
To resuscitate this heart
Has made my face pale
And my sullen stare far.

I am a mime
And I freeze life in mine
To grab the eyes of unconcerned passers by
For a quarter, a nickel, a penny of time
To throw in a hat, presented with tricks
But my final act squanders each second hand quick
In situations that grow until well overripe
While I sit in my cell wearing sad silent stripes.

When An Orphan Looks Up

You spend the new year sitting out in the snow,
Counting the seconds until fireworks blow.
You watch them erupt in colors and sparks
And smoke fills your lungs
As the lights fill your heart.
But never to last as the seconds do pass
And the dark in your heart comes flowing back fast.

You spend your birthday with your head in your knees,
Letting the cardboard box hang in the trees.
Filled with delights meant to sweeten your tongue,
Haunting your dreams in the way that it hung.
Instead you stayed in and counted your years,
Burning in wax
Burning in tears.
A smile flashes quick when their blown out at last,
But the cries in your eyes come flowing back fast.

You spend Christmas day looking back on the days,
Slowing accepting your young hope's decay.
And the nuns who know none,
But the word of their Savior,
Tell you, "Cheer up, God don't like bad behavior!"
So you thicken your skin for another year's blast
And the lies in your mind come flowing back fast.

...But this cycle's no circle
And this year you'll learn.
All the other kids left you
But now it's your turn.

You've got a couple signing papers,
You've got a yearbook in a locket,
There are marbles in your hand,
And even more in your back pocket.

The Vegas Sessions

This is the dance between serpent and man,
And this is when things really get out of hand.

A Noticeable Change

How unfortunate,
That our evening rains and syrup stains
Have turned into frequencies heard in our ears
Whose soft ring fades
Until we can no longer hear it
And I'm playing chicken with the quiet
And your auto-pilot mindset
Is my best bet that I bust
This time,
Though not more,
But in context,
Too much.

I respect your move
And thus I lose
The contact
The connection
The combat
The convection

My cover's blown
And my scarlet stains show
How long I have left
And how much I don't.

And as the numbers dwindle down
Your name becomes more prominent
Intimidating and dominant,
So my hesitating persists
As I resist to speak.
My blood fills my lungs
My tongue tastes of gun
My throat clogs with clots
My chest airs with shots
So my mind fills with screams
Only heard in my dreams
As I slowly lose grip
From what's real
To what seems.

Medic!
Medic!
Will you hold my hand?
Just give me the morphine,
I want to understand.

Like Any Other

Today was the day
That came after the last,
In nothing it lacked
In nothing surpassed.
Just the way I like it.

Reattach the cord
And take back the name
And watch it become
Like all else, the same.
Just the way I like it.

I put up my speakers
Against the calls
And paint my ignorance
Over cliched walls.
Just the way I like it.

Today was a day
Without love, without lovers
And I went through this day
Just like any other...
Just the way I like it.

Don't Mention It

And in that one sentence
It lived and it died
But went to the limbo inside my mind
I didn't bother to ask
You didn't bother to tell
And we all know well
That we don't know at all,
I don't know at all.
Or at least don't know
If it wants to be known
Or how low the bar will actually go

...But we move on,
Digress,
And let it rest with the rest.

"BAM!" went the barrel
When I pulled on the trigger,
A 12-gauge page to make their eyes get bigger.
Put your concerns down in clay,
Then fire away,
This is right now, so tell chance to go figure.

Sudden Changes

I won't see it
Until you throw it at me
But once hatched and dispatched
You create something that cannot be matched.
And you'd swear it was true...
If only you knew, huh?
You thought you did too, huh?

Giggles from their eyes
Squiggles from her pen
Tell me I don't need to do it again
If I find something,
I'll tell you when
You're just getting to know
What I had known then.
It sure is something
It's pure
It's loving

But this was the grin
And here came the smile...
And as spring parted her lips
I drank her in with tiny sips
Oh, how she spoiled me
And uncoiled the tension
So it felt nice
So it felt delightful

...I'll take it!
And I'll leave it at that.
And that is the cycle of life
Seeing colors, hues, and shades light
As we paint our canvas of every day
And soak our skin in sugared rain

Looking Back to See My Future

Right before the city sleeps
The sun peaks in under cumulus sheets
And splashes a little gold in our eyes.
She won't ever go any higher
And will gracefully fall in a fit of gray fire...

But you, my child,
Rise,
Rise,
Rise!
I peer into your eyes
And see my own life.
Forever the same,
Though displaced by time,
Your head
Your heart
Your blood,
In mine.

So I hope you don't plan on leaving too soon,
Because I'm here to break you a deal:
I'll carry your body and hold your hands
Until you've become strong and brave,
And then in good time,
And when it is mine,
You'll tucked me down into my grave.