Day Six: Banks and Bets

Appointments with needles and staying still

I prepare my life to change

Putting the children to bed

In a luxurious bathtub of ice

In a room as dark as night.

I can feel my cancer growing,

I just need more than knowing that I'll be alright.

Mopey.

A mother cries and a daughter follows suit.

I cannot be robbed of my youth.

Day Four: Places On Earth

Kelly and Cola.

Hanging out by the fire

Freezing in the cold,

Drinking cream soda to save my blood.

Designated driver for a loved friend

Designated crier in the passenger seat

Who couldn't believe this could happen to me.

Walked you to sleep as the black sky turned deep

Lackluster moments that I still wanted to keep.

Day Two: Breaking In

Before the morning sun could find my half-shut eyes,

Skin stained sheets from the purpose of existence

That stuck with me like viruses.

For meaning you must dig deeper:

This is your significance,

This is your future,

The needle pushing forward

For something more than just skin deep.

What shakes my bones and finds what's in the core,

If it's the second stage, no repeat and nothing more.

Day One: The Unknown Becomes Known

And even a city of angels couldn't protect me

As I sat on a denim-stained pleather couch

In a third floor apartment I called high water.

A smart phone caller ID played dumb

While a shaky thumb cut the noose around my neck

And dropped me into that icy water that felt so real.

I have never felt so alive, but there I was being reminded

That by 11:50am, I was dying.

So these hopes better keep me lifted while I am trying

Not to drown in all these cells that surely keep dividing.